Since my first mastitis episode in Eunice's 14th month, I had it again on her 15th month, 17th month and 18th month. It's definitely not fun. I am not sure why it kept coming back but the only possible reasons that I can ruled out are: 1) stress 2) previous infection wasn't cleared well. So this time, I went back to my gynae (I went to Panel clinic the last 2 times :P) and make sure I followed the instruction correctly this round to clear off all infections.
And I took the opportunity to wean off Eunice at the same time.
I had stopped pumping in office for 3 weeks, and only let Eunice direct latch in the morning, and before she went to bed. And on one fine day, I have decided to stop letting Eunice latch on. I got EG to help me.
First night, she cried, hugged my legs, and asked for neh neh... My heart melted. I seriously thought of giving in but thank God EG was around to help me. I told EG to please carry her away with my really weak voice. When Eunice saw EG coming, she ran into my kitchen (with all lights off) and hid at the corner. My heart broken. EG then carried her with her milk bottle to the room. She looked at me, cried, extended her arms to me asked me to carry her, but all that I did was just telling her byebye, and good night. :(
After a while, I heard her laughing happily upstair and she drank her milk, and fell asleep.
Next morning when she woke up, first thing she asked for neh neh again... I showed her her bottle. Of course she cried again, shook her head and her hands. She must be thinking what she has done wrong and why isn't she getting anymore directly from me. :(.. EG asked me to go bathe and few minutes after I went into the bathroom, she drank her milk. When I'm out, she's all happy again.
But I think she can feel that she's not going to have the intimacy with her mummy anymore. When I went to prepare her milk, she asked me to carry her and I did, and she held me close and tight with her two arms. This is the first time she did this to me. I just felt SO.SAD.
The crying continued for the next 3-4 days. Sometimes in the morning, I had to go to the guest room to sleep in order for her to drink her milk in the bottle. When she climbed onto me to ask for milk, i lifted up my shirt and showed her my bras, and asked her, where is neh neh? no more neh neh dy....
On the 5th day, she didn't cry anymore when I gave her bottle for her morning feed. She drank it happily. I took back the duty to sleep her at night and she is drinking her bottle happily.
She FORGOT about my breasts already. In just 5 days!
In a way, I'm happy that the weaning process wasn't as tough as I would have imagined. But I felt a very strong loss inside me. The tinge of sadness never seems to go away even till now - 2 weeks since I didn't let her latch on. Sometimes, I actually forgot about it and still thought of feeding her. I feel like I "broke up" with someone that I really love.
No, I didn't cry. But everytime I think about this, I teared. But I keep telling myself that I have done my best to feed her up till 19.5 months, and I have hit my target of 18 months. And she has grown up and now it's a whole new chapter for both me and her.
So, I have graduated! And hooray to my breasts, they have finally gotten their freedom. :)..
But I'll miss this experience dearly. I'll miss my little girl asking for neh neh, and came to me, and auto lie down in my arm, pointing at my breast and tell me "this is neh neh" before she latched on to drink. I'll miss this dearly.
All the breastfeeding moments will be remembered forever, only by the mothers though.
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