The end of my breastfeeding journey

Yes. Finally.

Since my first mastitis episode in Eunice's 14th month, I had it again on her 15th month, 17th month and 18th month. It's definitely not fun. I am not sure why it kept coming back but the only possible reasons that I can ruled out are: 1) stress 2) previous infection wasn't cleared well. So this time, I went back to my gynae (I went to Panel clinic the last 2 times :P) and make sure I followed the instruction correctly this round to clear off all infections.

And I took the opportunity to wean off Eunice at the same time.

I had stopped pumping in office for 3 weeks, and only let Eunice direct latch in the morning, and before she went to bed. And on one fine day, I have decided to stop letting Eunice latch on. I got EG to help me.

First night, she cried, hugged my legs, and asked for neh neh... My heart melted. I seriously thought of giving in but thank God EG was around to help me. I told EG to please carry her away with my really weak voice. When Eunice saw EG coming, she ran into my kitchen (with all lights off) and hid at the corner. My heart broken. EG then carried her with her milk bottle to the room. She looked at me, cried, extended her arms to me asked me to carry her, but all that I did was just telling her byebye, and good night. :(

After a while, I heard her laughing happily upstair and she drank her milk, and fell asleep.

Next morning when she woke up, first thing she asked for neh neh again... I showed her her bottle. Of course she cried again, shook her head and her hands. She must be thinking what she has done wrong and why isn't she getting anymore directly from me. :(.. EG asked me to go bathe and few minutes after I went into the bathroom, she drank her milk. When I'm out, she's all happy again.

But I think she can feel that she's not going to have the intimacy with her mummy anymore. When I went to prepare her milk, she asked me to carry her and I did, and she held me close and tight with her two arms. This is the first time she did this to me. I just felt SO.SAD.

The crying continued for the next 3-4 days. Sometimes in the morning, I had to go to the guest room to sleep in order for her to drink her milk in the bottle. When she climbed onto me to ask for milk, i lifted up my shirt and showed her my bras, and asked her, where is neh neh? no more neh neh dy....

On the 5th day, she didn't cry anymore when I gave her bottle for her morning feed. She drank it happily. I took back the duty to sleep her at night and she is drinking her bottle happily.

She FORGOT about my breasts already. In just 5 days!

In a way, I'm happy that the weaning process wasn't as tough as I would have imagined. But I felt a very strong loss inside me. The tinge of sadness never seems to go away even till now - 2 weeks since I didn't let her latch on. Sometimes, I actually forgot about it and still thought of feeding her. I feel like I "broke up" with someone that I really love.

No, I didn't cry. But everytime I think about this, I teared. But I keep telling myself that I have done my best to feed her up till 19.5 months, and I have hit my target of 18 months. And she has grown up and now it's a whole new chapter for both me and her.

So, I have graduated! And hooray to my breasts, they have finally gotten their freedom. :)..

But I'll miss this experience dearly. I'll miss my little girl asking for neh neh, and came to me, and auto lie down in my arm, pointing at my breast and tell me "this is neh neh" before she latched on to drink. I'll miss this dearly.

All the breastfeeding moments will be remembered forever, only by the mothers though.

Pray Pray

Something so cute happened just now that I just couldn't wait to write this down to remember.

Eunice was playing at the door while EG parking his car. Suddenly, she looked up and stopped moving. I saw a lizard on the ceiling. Then, the lizard moved. Next, Eunice started to run to me, and told me "ba ba" (*bao bao).

As usual, I asked her, "why bao bao?"

She answered: "sted sted.." while patting her hand on her chest. (*scared scared). I carried her up.

EG came into the house and asked me what happened and I told him. As a lizard killer, he started his actions.

Suddenly, Eunice put her hands together, and told me: "pray pray.."

I couldn't get her at first - I thought she wanted to clap her hands to scare away the lizard. Then she told me again, "pray pray..." then I got her this time.

So I said a short prayer: "Dear Jesus, please remove the lizard from my house. In Jesus's name we pray...."

Eunice shouted "A-Meng!"

Then, she pointed at the floor, "walk walk...."

:)

I didn't know that my little one knows the power of prayer too! This is just so cute. :)

Eunice's First Miri Trip

It was Eunice's first trip back to her mummy's hometown at Sarawak when she's 18 mths old, to attend my brother's wedding. :).. I was excited for this trip since February and been counting down the days since then. Well, packing was a nightmare as I was so worried that I forgot to bring her important stuffs - and I brought incredibly lots of stuff including her snacks, cookies, pastas, etc. I managed to borrow a playpen from my friend but I need to bring my own mattress back too! So, we ended up with 1 huge bag, 2 small bags, a stroller, a backpack, and a diaper bag. OK I admitted that I over packed. I'll be more efficient in my next flight trip. Hehe :)

Overall it's quite a good trip, though very tiring for EG and me.
On PG-KL flight, the air stewardess gave Eunice a packet of Dutch Lady. She was happily sipping the packet drink throughout the flight. We had to transit for abt 2 hours in KLIA. While planning for the trip, EG already told me he'd prefer KLIA as it has more space and he feels safer for Eunice to run around. Well, it was a public holiday and hence there weren't much price differences on air asia ticket vs MAS ticket. But of course, I also prefer KLIA over LCCT.

From KL to Miri, the flight was 2 hours. She slept for the 1st hour, and woke up the next hour getting restless. I had to entertian her by carrying her up to watch over other passangers (as if she was playing hide & seek with them @.@), or carrying her up and down the aisle. But lastly, we fed her with a very sweet crackers that the air stewardess gave and she finally was occupied for a while before we landed. :)

The little girl just loves to explore the travelator

Wandering around herself - not feeling scared at all

In Miri, my sister and mum were helping out to entertain her, so my load was lessen. I just need to cook for her. Sometimes I just let her eat whatever that my mum cooks. :).. However, the trip was kinda hectic as we had dinners with relatives almost every night. Most of the time Eunice didn't sleep long enough for her nap (still adjusting i think), and hence she'll get cranky on most of the dinner time when the dinner ran late. That also explains why not much pictures on Eunice as we were just so busy entertaining her.

After my brother's wedding dinner, we had a small family gathering with my father's siblings to celebrate his birthday. And thank God she was all happy that day after her long nap! And finally we managed to get a nice picture of her with her grandparents! :)

Eunice and her grandparents

My sister brought out all our soft toys over the years and let Eunice play with it when she was home. Oh she loves them so much. And she also watched Chipmunk throughout the whole 8 days in Miri - watching 6-7 times a day! Yea, we all can memorise the show already. But she still loves it.

Watching Chipmunk with her soft toys

I always love my home trips. This round, though I went back for 8 days, but I still feel I didn't get to spend too much time with my parents as they were too busy preparing for my brother's wedding and entertaining the guests from outstations. I hope I will go back again soon. :)

As for Eunice, I think she loves it too. She was calling "Yi Yi ar.." all the time when she sees my sister's pic in my phone after she's back to Penang. Sometimes she'll make me call her and she'll just listen to my sister's voice for a while then she'll feel all happy. :). How sweet. And recently, she also pointed at my mum's pic in my phone and told me "ah ma ar..." :)... but I din have to chance to let my mum hear her beloved granddaughter calling her yet. :)

While coming back, it was slightly easier. Eunice slept through the 2 hours flight from Miri to KL. And she played around in KLIA again during our 3 hours transit. And eating throughout the 45 mins flight from KL to PG. On that night, Eunice slept at 8.30pm all the way till 7am the next morning. I think she was as tired as us. :D

I wonder why my timid girl was not scared at all in KLIA with all strangers around

But I think, Eunice is a bit too big size to share a seat with us. :P... Though her parents are not big size. I never complain for MAS seats before until this trip - because I'm sharing it with an active toddler. As for EG, he told me, no more trips with flights until she's bigger. If we have to, then pls get a seat for her. We were both exhausted when coming back - carrying all the luggages, strollers, bags, and an active toddler who keeps wanting to walk!

So, our oversea plan will now have to be on hold! :)

Nursery & Kindy Scouting

Yeap, you read it right. We're scouting for Eunice's nursery / kindy at her 18 months. Kiasu? Hmm... I called up a nursery and she told me the earliest she can put Eunice in is in July 2013! Waa... I don't mean to be kiasu but I don't like the hanging feeling (typical me) and hence I started to ask around and look around last month.

After much scouting & "interviewing" (friends, colleagues, some short listed nurseries :P), then only I realise it's not an easy decision - it's something that will make a difference in my child's first going-to-school experience. However, the fee is another factor to consider. There are some nurseries which are very affordable, but some can charge up to double of the normal ones.

EG and I had some discussions among us, and we decided on a few:
1. Study Environment - We prefer the kindy not to be too academic. I have heard some kindys gave spelling test / ejaan / 听写 (chinese spelling test) every week for the children as young as 4 years old! I think this will not only give the stress to the child, but also the parents. However, I don't expect the kindy to be too relaxing too as it'll be a problem when the child goes primary school - when nowadays primary school's homework can be as stressful as my job! :P. So, there should be a balance.

2. Languages - I'd want Eunice to learn all 3 languages. I admit that I'm quite a failure in teaching her chinese while I myself is chinese educated. She doesn't know any chinese word, except "bao bao" maybe. :P. So far, we found that most kindys will teach all 3 languages.

3. Teachers - I have heard too many scary stories of the teachers suddenly lost their mind and started to whack the child. I know taking care of one active toddler is hard, what more a bunch of them in school. But still I cannot accept any teacher who will lost their sane while teaching. A friend told me once her niece came home with a blue black buttock from school and showed me the picture. I was really really shocked. Imagine the terror on the child! So, I'll ask about the teachers too.

4. Discipline - Though we don't want the teachers to "whack" our child, but there should also be discipline - to teach them what's the right things to do. One of the nurseries that we checked out uses very good disciplinary actions to the child. The principal told me sometimes they will even have "court cases" when she'll be the judge. They treat the children like adults.

5. Teaching methods - Of course most of us went through the conventional way where 1 person talks and the rest listen. But we found there're some kindys that allow the bigger children to cook, or do planting and etc and they believe the children learn through these activities too.

6. Class size - For us, we prefer the class size to not to be too big so that all the children will have the equal attention from the teachers. Having said this, if the class size is big, then we'll want to know how do the teachers make sure that all children can progress at the same speed.

7. Teaching materials - A kindy that we went to showed us the teaching materials that they used for the students - and we were truly impressed.

In the end, we have sort of decided to send Eunice to a kindy that we both like, though the fees is more expensive than the others. We both hope that it'll be giving Eunice a good first learning experience in her life.

:)

Cameron Trips

This is a really long due post and I have decided to combine my two cameron trips into one post.

We went to Cameron Highland last year July, when Eunice was only 5 months old. And a year later, we went again. EG is a big fan of Cameron Highlands - some said it is a boring place, well, that's the reason why EG loves it. He said, because it's boring and there's nothing much to do there. And for him, that's the real holiday. Ya, weirdo, I know. :)

Anyway, back to the trip. Last year when we went, Eunice was only 5 months old. Some friends actually said that we're very courageous to bring a baby for a trip. Now that I think back, yea we indeed were brave. During then, we just wanted a break for all the baby-taking-care and thought of doing something different. Anyway, it was just a 2 days 1 night thing. So, the itinerary was simple - reached Hotel, lunch, BOH tea farm, buy some snacks to eat in the room, dinner, and Eunice slept at 8.30pm so EG and I were reading & watching tv in the room while snacking on the junk food that we bought. The next morning, after breakfast, we went for strawberry ice cream and we left CH.

2010 July - My little girl still on the rear facing car seat on the way to CH

2010 July - Eunice only knew how to turn then

2010 July - and she sat in her stroller while we're going out

2010 July - my 5 month old portrait at BOH tea farm

A year later, on the same holiday weekend, we have decided to go Cameron Highlands again - after a year. This time, my Eunice was already 17 months old. The packing was more challenging - as I need to pack her food along! And not knowing what exactly we're going to have in CH for meals, I actually brought up my slow cooker in order to cook for her. Yea, very kua cheong, I know. :). But I feel more peace in heart doing that. :)

This round, we stayed for 3 days 2 nights. And we paid more for a better hotel to make sure my little one has a comfortable place to rest and sleep. We visited more places this round - BOH tea farm (sure-go place), butterfly farm, the smokehouse, pasar malam, and etc. And we also could go more places for food as Eunice is now bigger and we do let her try those food that we ate too, though her main meal was still her porridge.

See how much my little one has grown over a year.

2011 July - my little girl now on front facing car seat and snacking all the way to CH

2011 July - now she walks :)

2011 July - We no longer put her in stroller now, she walks

2011 July - my 17 month old portrait at BOH tea farm

2011 July - and she walked around happily with her cheeky face

2011 July - And she really enjoyed her favorite food in CH

We really love to bring her around. She's such a joy in our lives. :). And we really thank God that she's not a very difficult baby. And she still follows her schedule while she's out - sleep & eat at the same time. Both the trips are so memorable to both EG and I though Eunice might not remember anything. :)

Eunice @ 17.5 months

I read back the last post I wrote on Eunice's speech. It's really amazing to see how fast our little girl has grown up. EG and I have been telling each other that she is now a big girl already, no more a baby. :)

For the past months, she'll wave good bye and fly kiss to us everytime we drop her at babysitter's place. And when we're picking her up, she'll be standing at the door happily waving and pointing at us while babysitter packing up her stuff to give back to us. And sometimes, she'll even say bye to her other friends there, or some other older toddlers will come and say "Goodbye Eunice". It makes us feel very relief sending her to the babysitter's place knowing that she has her friends there.

For her speech development, she can say more words now. She picks up fast. She used to say "bish-bish" but now she can say "fish-fish". :). Every morning when I change her diaper, I'll tell her this is diaper, she'll answer me back "ah-ple"... but when I showed her apple, she also told me "ah-ple". :). And any yellow animal in sitting position is "duck duck". And she loves to play with "ball ball" too.

She has a tigger in the room. We always ask her where's the tiger? She'll go hit the tail. And when we brought her to Parkson today, I saw tigger's picture on the wall and I asked her what's that? She said "Tai-tai"! She now recognises the "Sss-tar" shape. And she loves to eat bananas, she calls them "Na-na!". :). She showed me a yellow color card that day, and told me "Na-na!". I was truly surprised.

I pray for her every night before she sleeps. Amazingly, she'll lie down quietly, eyes open wide with a smile on her face everytime I say my prayer for her. When I end my prayer with Amen, she'll be eagerly saying "Ah-mi" too. I'll tell her, Good night girl, time to sleep sleep, see you tomorrow, and give her a fly kiss. And she'll return a fly kiss back to me, and started tossing in her bed till she falls asleep herself.

She imitates us nowadays. Once, EG passed gas in the toilet in the morning. She heard it, and she made the same sound using her mouth, then looked at me, and started to giggle away. Gee.... :)... And when I did something extraordinary, I'll tell EG Ta-daa.. and she repeated after me. So, we have to be really careful with our speech nowadays so that our little one won't pick up any bad words. Hehe....

She suddenly loves soft toys very much. She will smile happily when I gave her her Patrick the dog. And when I gave her my big doggie that sleeps with me since the past 3 years, she'll be even happier. The doggie is as big as her but she'll sleep on it. So, she took over my doggie. :(. And as of date now, there are 5 soft toys in her bed sleeping with her now.

As she grows, she became more manja recently too. When she dirty her hands while eating, she'll make a kind of face, shouting "Ooooooo....!" and give you her hand, and we'll HAVE TO clean it for her before she can continue eating. And if she accidentally trips or falls down, she'll make the really sad face and run to us to "ba ba" (bao bao, i.e. hug hug in chinese :P).

I finally has started giving her formula. And after trying anmum and enfa, my babysitter told me she could drink enfa faster (probably tastes nicer since sweeter). I have also tried making the first formula milk for my girl last weekend and to my surprise, she's taking it VERY WELL. No rejection at all. Once we went out, she pointed at my breasts and told me "neh neh", I told her to wait till we reach the car. And when I got into the car, I made the milk in front of her and gave her the bottle. She said happily "neh nehhh" and took the bottle and started to drink. Looks like weaning is not very hard for me. :)

And EG said, now she has personality already. She doesn't let other people carry her much. She'll fold her arms together and put her head away on our shoulder. :D. And she doesn't simply smile to anyone now - unlike when she's young. She's not that friendly anymore. Well, the daddy is actually happy about this as he thinks it's safer this way. :)

Our little girl has been bringing smiles to our faces everyday. We really thank God that she has been growing up well. :)

Eunice's Speech

Eunice has been "talking" since she hits 12 months old. I remember a day before her birthday, I pointed at the bear on her cot and said "bear bear", and she actually said "bear bear" too. Then, I asked her, "Girl, how to clap hand?", and then she started clapping her hand.

I was truly surprised!

From then onwards, I've been trying to tell her and show her as many things as we can, and talk to her like an adult (well, not really :P). As of now, my 16 mths old Eunice can say a few words already. Those that which are frequently used:

- neh neh (nen nen)
- mum mum / mem mem (food)
- ba-bai (bye bye)
- Ang kiu (thank you)
- wou wou (dog)
- ngiau (meow / cat)
- walk walk (she can say this well)
- baby (she can say this well too)
- bak-bak (bird bird)
- day-dee (daddy - and squeeze her eyes when say dee :P )
- mummy (she only says this when she wants to :(, unlike daddy :( )
- neh ma (no more - just picked this up)

Besides, she also started to understand what we're telling her since she's 14 mths+.

- When we tell her, "Girl, let's go wash your pet pet..", she'll then walk to the toilet and stand at the door waiting for us.
- It's 8pm+ and I tell her, "Girl, want to go sleep already?", she'll then go to the staircase, half climb with only 1 leg up the staircase, and wave and tell me "ba-bai..."
- I can now also tell her to pass things to her daddy, or daddy tells her to pass something to mummy, she'll come look for us then.

And she also have been "talking on the phone" since 13th mths onwards (just doing the talk on the phone gesture with ANYTHING that she can get on her hand), and recently, she will say ba-bai before she "put down the phone". :)

Recently I had a conversation with her. :). We went to QBM after work to have our dinner and when we left the shopping mall, she wanted some milk.

Eunice: Neh neh
Me: Mum mum (trying to change her mind)
Eunice: Neh neh (get louder)
Me: Mum mum (still trying)
Eunice: NEH NEHHH..... (starting to get irritated)
Me: Mum mum la girl... u want mum mum?
Eunice: NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEHHHHHHHH.....!!!!!!!
Me: OK OK! Neh neh!
My cutie lil' pie. :)

Eunice's Coloring

Recently, we noticed that Eunice likes to ask us to give her a pen / pencil and she started to scribble. She'll shout if you don't let her do that. We got an imitated Aquadoodle for her but I guess the area wasn't big enough for her to draw. So EG bought some non toxic crayons and a drawing block for her to scribble.

When Eunice first started holding the crayon to scribble, I noticed she didn't really have strength to "write". She was just scribbling some faint lines on the drawing block. We'll normally hold her right hand and write something.

Last week, I drew a small birdie for her, and told her "bird bird", then I drew a bear and told her "bear bear". To my surprise, she started to use a crayon to "color" the bird. And after she's done with her "coloring", she told me "bird bird". :).

And next, she went ahead to "color" her bear.

Eunice's first coloring a birdie

Coloring a bear

I took a video of her trying to scribble but she wasn't holding the crayon properly.

I was so surprise and so happy with her new milestone. :)... At the same time, I'm also headache with the next challenge - my little girl is using the crayon to draw on the floor too!